I got confirmation that a project exists, and I will be on it. However, we probably won’t get it today.
Paranoid is convinced that some of my favorite people on our group are rude, mean, cold, calculating, distant, or mean to otherwise undermine her. We were IMing earlier, but I decided to find a task I could work on without her also being in on it. I can’t help but feel like Paranoid is trying to get me to join an alliance with her, and she is playing me to make me not trust others. It won’t work.
I took a break earlier to go watch the Cumberbatch ice bucket challenge video at a spot with wifi. Totally worth it! Made me smile.
The sun has come out and it is Friday afternoon. I am not sure I can sit in this office for another four hours!
Not even an hour at work, and I feel anxious about it. I share my workload with three higher-ranking coworkers. The rest of our team is at my pay grade and they have been given a lot more to do. So when I come to work and see nothing in my inbox, because the three higher-ranked women took everything, I start to feel… well, not valued.
I IMed the other person in our group who has very little to do. I will call her Paranoid. She is constantly worried that we got pegged for being less useful to the team, and that when they realize there isn’t enough work, we will be the first cut. I know that talking to her will only make me feel worse, but she is the only person who talks to me all day sometimes. And we have this situation on common, so when I want to complain, she is there. On days when I had more on my plate, I’ve avoided talking to her and felt a lot better. She is a bit toxic, but if the situation were better, I would be interested to see how things would be between us.
There are rumors of a project that she and I and another woman who feels under-utilized will get put on. Supposedly projects are a way to get noticed. I don’t know. When I have complained about a lack of tasks assigned to me, my supervisors made it sound like I would regularly be put on projects. I like the idea of being used on new things and showing my ability to adapt.
It has just been frustrating, because I really wanted to hit the ground running, but when they don’t give me work to do, how can I?
Let’s see if I can’t liveblog today. I have been needing an outlet, and mandyelizabeth suggested it might help. I want to observe the roller coaster of my workdays to see if I can pinpoint what is making me so angry about it.
It’s a good morning so far. I got paid today, and the majority of the deposit from our last apartment came to us in check form. (I really miss that place. It was wonderful.) We paid off a big chunk of our monthly debt but still have spending money left, which feels surprisingly good. Moving and Joe’s unemployment really took all of our savings, so the feeling that we might not always be in this constant lurch is perfect. Of course, we wouldn’t be able to do it if we hadn’t moved in with Joe’s parents…
Taking the train in to work now. It tends to be emptier on Fridays. A man with a lot of cheap cologne just sat in front of me. This would bother me in most other cases, but any attempt made to smell good on the MAX is much appreciated.